Eng: About 3 Years Later

Hello!

It feels kinda strange to be back here, but I thought it is about time to write an update, considering how much my time in AZ has influenced my life. 

Where do I even start? I think I'll start with my return to Germany. I actually planned to write a post about that for a long time, but I was never in the right mood to do that. 

I still remember leaving so well. It was my last full day in AZ, and it was about 8pm. That was when Shi picked me up at my hostfamilys house.

I had to say goodbye to Katelyn and Virginia, which was harder than I would have ever imagined. They were my family, at least they have been since February that year. They gave me a home when I didn´t have one. I will never be able to thank them enough.

On the flight back

After saying farewell, I left with Shi. We went to pick up Dallin. That night was incredible. We did all the things we used to do during my exchange. We got food, went to my favourite places in town and just were together. I couldn't have imagined a better way to spend my last night in AZ. When it was about time for me to leave for the airport (about 3am), Shi drove Dallin and me back to my hostfamilys house. Then I had to say goodbye to my best American friends. I didn't cry. At that moment, I didn't realize that I was actually leaving. I just went inside my hostfamilys house. Jeff was awake and ready to take me to the airport. So we left.
At the security scan I had to leave him too. It was just strange, because I just didn´t realize I was actually leaving. I had said my last goodbye and left.
When my plane started, I looked outside the window and saw Phoenix, which has been my home for 10 months. I spotted my high school when I flew over the city, no joke!
When I changed my flight in Newark, I heard people talking German again. It felt so weird... I called my family at home who were waiting for me to come back. The flight was way too long, but eventually I saw Hamburg.
I started crying when I landed. I was officially back home.

It took an eternity to get my suitcase back, but I eventually got it. Then I left. My brother ran into my arms and I started crying. My parents were crying too. One of my friends was there to welcome me too. It was sooo good to see them all again.

The first couple days in Germany were interesting. It felt good to do things "for the first time" again. I was happy to see my German friends again. A week after I returned, I started an internship at my church. I could have gone back to school, but an internship was a better way for me to get adjusted again. I cried often. It really hurt, I mean REALLY hurt to leave AZ.
Soon, summer vacation also started in Germany and I spent a week at my holiday-riding-stable again. It was so great to do things I used to do before I left.
A few days after returning home from the stable, I left again. With my family. And we went back. Back to AZ. I just had four days in Mesa, but they were amazing. I met my friends again, my hostfamily, and Shi, Dallin, Alicia, Amanda, Hanna and Hunter threw a surprise party. I crashed marching band camp and showed my family around Mesa. When we had to leave, Shi and her family went with us until Sedona. That was the final goodbye. It was so hard...
I spent a great time with my family traveling around the US and I made some beautiful memories.

After vacation was over, it was time for me to go back to school. I was in a new class, and I met new people. It was strange for me to be back in German school. But somehow it all went back to normal.

At the Grand Canyon (again) with my family

In Germany, the last two years of school work differently from the rest. You are put in "Profiles" that always focus on a couple subjects. I was, of course, in a music profile. I knew a couple of the six people from my profile already (and yes, we serioulsy were only six people) and so it was easy for me to adjust. I was really lucky.
Considering how much I didn't like being at school before I went to the US, it was amazing how much I started to like it again in the last two years. Obviously, a lot of things were a mess, but the people I was around made it a million times better. For the first time, I started going out and doing stuff. It was funny to see how the people that were there all along, who I hadnt really gotten to know until then, made my life so much better.
Don't get me wrong here. It was hard. It was so hard to not be in the US anymore. I cried myself to sleep many times, because I wished I was still there. And I always felt alone with this. Because if told somebody how I felt, I would be telling them in a way that I didn't want to be with them but with others. It got better with time. I learned to be at home in Germany again. Like I said, I finally had the right kind of people around me, who made me feel home.

It was also strange to not be an exchange student anymore. When you are abroad, being an exchangestudent is a big part of your identiy. You are different because you are an exchangestudent. And your Homecountry becomes a big part of your Identity too. After some time, everything that has to do with your homecountry is special to you. But being back home all that changes. Actually, it is the opposite. Then your exchangecountry is part of your identity. I, for example, used to say "I am half american" as a joke. But it is kinda true! Looking back to that is funny. Because three years later, my year in the US ist still a really important part of my life, but there are so many things that I indetify with way more now. A couple friends of mine dont even know that I was abroad, because its not the first thing I tell people about me anymore. 

When I came back in 2018, I started eleventh grade, and so in the summer of 2019, I started twelveth grade, my last year of school. I was so excited for the things to come and also for my graduation in 2020. At the end of 2019, I had my pre-graduation exams and they all went pretty well. I was still so excited about my graduation. But then 2020 happened. 

After a nice skiing vacation with my family in Austria, the first lockdown happened and we were all stuck at home. My brother just returned from his exchange program in Norway and was also stuck at home. Well, lockdown and quarantine suck. 

I used the time though. I was preparing for my graduation exams. And also, for my auditions. Since my exchange year, I finally knew what I wanted to do with my life, I wanted to study music composition. At first, i really wanted to go back to the US to do that, but I later decided to stay in Europe. I narrowed it down to three schools / universities at which I applied. Hannover, Vienna and Salzburg. And to study music, you need to pass the audition, so I was practicing and studying through the first lockdown. And in the end, I passed my exams (way better than I thought I would) and graduated during Covid (which really sucked) in June 2020. Although I couldn't celebrate the way I wanted to, it was still great. 

Also in June, I passed the first entrance exam for the Mozarteum University of Music in Salzburg. So during my family vacation in Vienna that summer I went to Salzburg for my final audition. Only a week later, I got accepted! I was so happy. I fell in love with this beautiful Austrian city the day I auditioned and I couldnt wait to move there. So, in the end, I didnt even do the exams in Hannover and Vienna. 

The day I auditioned in Salzburg

That summer was amazing, despite Covid. I had a lot of free time and I was working quite a lot. And then, in September, I moved to Salzburg, Austria. The start of Uni was hard. I had in-person classes nearly all year, but it was hard to meet people. Because of the lockdown in November, I went back to Hamburg for my birthday until New Years Eve. During my second semester, things finally got better here. I met amazing people, and when the Covid situation got less intense here, I was finally able to go out and live again. I absolutely loved it. I don't think I've ever felt this good. I really love it here.
And this is kinda the way things are for me right now.

So why am I telling you all of this? Because I know one thing for sure, I would never EVER be here right now if I hadn't gone to the US. I would never have realized I wanted to study music. Yes, I would have graduated a year earlier with no Covid. But I would have had different people around me. And I know I wouldn't have liked it. Without my exchangeyear, I would never have the confidence I have now. I would never be this independent. I wouldn't have the bigger picture of the world and the people around me. I wouldn't be me without that year. 

I am still in contact with my friends from the US. And though I haven't managed to visit in the past three years (also due to Covid), I still know I will go back sometime. To be honest, there are still a few nights where I am sad that I am not there anymore, because a part of my heart will always be there. But in a way, that is the beauty of it. A big part of my heart will also always be in Hamburg. And a big part of it will also stay in Salzburg some day. I think the key to traveling and living abroad is to always have a reason to come and to go. And the most important part is: Any journey begins with a step out of your comfort zone.

To this day, I love talking about my experience, the amazing parts and also the bad parts. Every time I meet someone who is thinking about going, I will try to talk them into it. Because it really changed my life for the better. So if you are thinking about going, you really should. If you have any questions, please feel free to contact me through the Contact Form on this blog. I will gladly talk to you. Thank you for following my story, Emma